Spark up your SL Sex Life

"You have opened up the prison gates of my womanhood. And all the passion that was unsatisfied in me for so many years, leaped into a wild reckless storm boundless as the sea."

- Emma Goldman

How to Spark Up Your Sex Life in SL

My name is Kris Harmison. I am the Madame of the Moulin Rouge. I am a sexual explorer and creator of fantasies, desiring to learn about what others enjoy.

First, I want to say that any discussion like this is just that, a discussion. I will talk for a while and then open it up to you to speak about your own, perhaps alternative, views and thoughts. The Moulin Rouge is a place that values the freedom of constructive speech, and we value your thoughts and your opinions, especially when they are presented in a thoughtful and intelligent manner. We do not allow harassment or ridicule, so feel free to express yourself as you wish.

The Moulin Rouge promotes caring, safe, sane, adult consensual sexual role-play. One of the advantages of an online environment it that you can role-play and not get physically hurt. Of course, that is just a small part of it, because domination and submission are very much mental experiences, and the physical part of the relationship may or may not be present, even in RL.

Before we get to the good stuff, though, a few safety tips are in order.

Talk about what's going on with your partner. You do not have to tell them exactly what you are planning; surprises can be fun and are important. However, you do need to know if it is something that your partner can get into and that they do not hate the idea completely. This is not just for one person's benefit, though certainly parts of it may be. Giving them a few minutes to adjust to the general concepts and ideas of what direction the scene is going will enhance your play as well and my build the excitement.

Establish a "safeword." What's that? It's a code word that the submissive can use to mean, "Stop. Really. I mean it." You don't want to use a word like "no" or "stop," because sometimes you might want to work a pretend struggle into your fantasy. (I like "chrysanthemum.")

Keep a few things handy. Have all the necessary props for the scene at hand and in working order. If you are using props, make sure you know how they work, and if it is something the partner needs make sure they have it and know how to use it. Make sure your location is secure, or appropriate to the play. Playing out extreme scenes on Linden public non-mature land is probably not a good idea. There are plenty of places in Second Life that you can get privacy in an area appropriate to your fantasy.

Let’s start with some prop ideas, play and text to surround it…

Clothespins

First, something like a clothespin can be used in spots other than just nipples, anywhere along the breasts; along the sides, arms, legs, and thighs. How about clamping one to the skin of the ball sac? Now in RL I would make sure that the amount of pain my clothespin could deliver was appropriate to my partner and the part I am going to clamp but in SL you have only the need to find the prop and be able to provide the text to make it exciting. But, if you have never felt a clothespin attached to your nipple or closely watched your partner(s) as you have clamped them on how do you know what it feels like? How do you know how a normal person or for that matter a pain slut will react to the clamps? How does the partner know.

So, what do you do?

First, you try one yourself on yourself.

Second, have your partner collect a few things in RL to do as you do the scene in SL.

There is no reason why your sub can’t clamp a clothespin to their nipple or whatever other part you choose to use and it brings home the feelings that what is happening on the screen is happening to them. It builds the excitement and the tension and makes it ever so much more real.

You need to set the tone, if you are using multiple clips you will do so slowly with very precise attention to the body before you. Perhaps it might go something like this…

(Note: In Second Life for your character to “talk” you must preface the line with /me)

/me looks down lovingly at the little slut laid bare before her, caressing the skin, touching the nipple, pinching it to full erection.

Pretty slut, who owns these little nubbins?

/me takes the clothespin and moves her hand slowly towards the slut, one hand holding the nipple erect. She slowly clamps down on the girl, pushing the clamp closed until the girl reacts.

Now, what you need to remember is that the pain caused by, for example, a stroke with the cane is transitory but something like a clamp applied to sensitive flesh causes consistent discomfort. You need to play this through coming back to it as you move forward with your scenario. As long as the clamp is in place there will be discomfort from the clamp. If more discomfort is needed for the scene you can pinch it tighter or pull it off without loosening it. Clamps hurt most when they're removed and the longer they've been on the more they hurt.

Again, both you and the slave need to know this, if the slave does not, if you have not instructed the slave to do this real time then you need to lead them to the understanding of what is happening on their body. A few well-placed leading sentences may make the scene both more realistic and more intense.

Good Cybersex takes preparation. It is not something that you just jump into and it is always great. Thinking before about what you are going to do, how it makes you feel, and having them play and explore in RL as well will make a scene much better and will keep the spice in the relationship for much longer.

Perhaps you want the slave to participate more in the act, to demonstrate the willing obedience and trust she has for you…

“Do you know what this is slave?”

/me hands the slave a massive cucumber

“I want you to put this in your mouth like a big cock, once you have it in your mouth you will hold it gently with your teeth and run your tongue over the tip in small circular motions, this will help you learn to restrain yourself and wait patiently for further instruction in the future.”

>>The slave should be responding at this point with something like: “does as she was told, widening her mouth enough to take the massive intruder”<<

/me is satisfied that the cucumber will remain in place, hands the slave a clothes pin that has a string dangling from the end, smiling wickedly

Girl, I want you to take the clothespin and clamp it to the inner, right lip of your sweet pussy.

/me watches the sweet slave think about this command, her face showing her thoughts as her mind goes through the act and pain that she will feel.

Girl, are you afraid it will be painful? Oh, you will feel it, but trust me my love, it won’t hurt.

>>I would expect the slave to respond here with something like: “Hesitantly opens the clothespin and slowly moves to attach it to the inner, lip of her pussy as instructed. Feels the slight smarting that dulls within seconds to a dull throbbing sensation, not at all unpleasant”<<

No hun, you need a good thick meaty chunk clamped down, we are going to be pulling on those sweet lips and we don’t want the pin to slip off.

>>I would expect the slave to reclasp the clip to gather a larger chunk of flesh as instructed<<

/me hands the slave another clip and instructs her to do the same to the other side.

>>The slave would respond as before taking a large chunk of meaty flesh into the pin<<

Yes, girl, that’s more like it, Now I am going to take the string that is attached to the end of each pin and tie them to your wrists. This will teach that naughty pussy not to open wide enough!

/me takes the strings and ties them to each cuffed wrist, then gently pulls the wrists up over the slaves head, pulling the pussy lips open as she chains the girl tightly.

>>I would expect the slave to text about their state here. Their pussy open wide, the slight painful throbbing of the pussy lips as the pussy is opened wide, the cool air drying the moisture of her petals, the large cucumber in her mouth, preventing her from talking, her jaws tiring, saliva beginning to drool from the corners of her mouth.<<

/me takes out a feather and lightly runs it over the sensitive skin….

You see here that thought is important, how does the clothespin feel, how does it feel when the struggling slave is moving against her bonds, opening herself wider, unable to talk, her body totally in your control.

Perhaps you would continue the vegetable theme and insert a carrot deep in her pussy, working it in and out, slowly fucking the slave. Wetting the carrot with her juices before removing the carrot and penetrating her deeply in her ass.

Again, how does it feel, how does the slave know unless you have them doing this part for real while you play out the scene with her?

Remember our cucumber? Perhaps now that it is thoroughly lubed our little slave would like to feel the huge thick cucumber deep within her tight pussy which is still so wonderfully open up for you.

To continue on with our tips, tricks and ideas that are toy related…

Spanking toys are in almost all BDSM toy boxes so we don’t need to go into them to thoroughly but remember that it is not all whips or canes. You can use wooden spoons, hair brushes, plastic or rubber spatulas.

Another idea for nipple bondage is to use Dental Floss.

/me looking intently upon her precious slave she slowly ties a slip knot into the end of the strand of dental floss….

/me pinches the girls nipple and slips the loop over the now erect nub, pulling it tight and beginning to wrap it around and around firmly.

Of course anything done to a blindfolded and bound person will be both erotic and unexpected. A bamboo skewer of the type used in the kitchen to make shish kabobs is a very interesting sensation when you drag it slowly and with moderate pressure over the skin. It feels much sharper than it is; and when used on sensitive areas like nipples and breasts, you can make someone believe you are actually piercing the skin with a needle, even though the skewer is blunt and will not break skin.

Ice is great for the blindfolded sub, followed by warm low burning candle wax dripped onto the slaves chilled skin. A variant to this would be an ice dildo, this would be something to have the slave construct at home in advance and have ready for play. To do this, the slave will need a plain unlubricated condom and the cardboard tube from the center of a roll of paper towels. Cut the cardboard tube lengthwise, and then close it into a cylinder that is as wide as you want the dildo to be, and tape it. Fill the condom with water, tie it shut, and suspend it in the tube with a piece of string; the cardboard tube will prevent the water from bulging in the dildo. Then place it upright in the freezer. In a few hours, you will have a seamless dildo made of ice whatever diameter you like! This can be used for vaginal or anal play. Make sure that the slave runs water over the dildo before they insert it anywhere to prevent it from freezing to the delicate membranes.

To continue with our toys…

Knives can make interesting, fun and psychologically powerful sex toys. You do not actually cut your partner to do knife play, oh perhaps if the person and you are into it you might, but it is not a good safe sane way to play. However, when a blindfolded slave is allowed to feel the blade against their skin they don’t know if you are cutting them. They have to trust that you will not mar them. The real life trick to this is to keep the knife in the freezer and when you draw it across the skin of the blind folded slave it will feel more intense and they will think that you are cutting them as the cold metal touches them.

Another toy in SL might be one of the saran wrap devices that is used to totally immobilize the slave. This sort of play requires some thought unless you have actually played in RL with plastic wrap. You are wrapping the nude slave from head to foot making a secure cocoon, a protected space. The slave will explore their trust and faith in you. You will have a beautiful see through wrap that completely exposes the naked slave. You can do all sorts of sensation exploration with a slave in this condition, from mild ice play to more extreme tests of endurance. You can spank, poke, pinch, and otherwise play with any part of your partner's body without any ropes getting in your way. In RL remember that a slave in saran wrap will overheat rapidly, use of a fan is important and having a robe to wrap around the slave when you release them is a smart move.

Moving from toys to the more mental side of things…

Ritual can be a very powerful technique and tool. You can add to the rituals as you move forward with the slaves training to keep things interesting and reinforce the training.

Ritual can be used in both RL and SL, for instance you could require that every time your slave showers or bathes they are required to masturbate to orgasm. This will have a long term effect of making the slave orgasm when water is poured over their organs or perhaps become very excited when they hear the running water.

A more risqué form of ritual might be to require the slave to find some way to masturbate to orgasm at least twice per week while at work. You can follow this up with some play in a virtual office, and catch them in the act of masturbating.

Diceor other randomizing elements can be integrated into ritual, as well, One possibility, for example, is to require the submissive to roll a die each morning; the submissives responsibility then becomes to have exactly that many orgasms that day, by whatever means necessary.

Other rituals might be simple like having them keep a daily journal. Instead of keep a simple journal, you could have them record their daily orgasms, and describe what they did to achieve them. You could require them to read one story daily from a magazine like Penthouse forum and to imagine themselves in the story. You could have them write up scenarios in your absence from which you could take the ones that interest you and act them out with your sub.

Orgasm denial is another approach to conditioning that can add spice back into a relationship. Making the slave deny themselves orgasm unless certain conditions are met. You want to be careful not to create a scenario where the slave cannot cum except with you. What if something were to happen to you, that would not be a very good practice to promote. There are a hundred variations, but the basic idea is simple: prevent your partner from having an orgasm for a length of time (a day, two days, a week, whatever you want). You shouldn't make it easy; you could, for example, require that your partner have sex one or more times a day, or masturbate regularly (this works well when combined with a ritual of some sort), but your partner is not allowed any sexual release. Over time, the sexual tension builds up, and your partner becomes perpetually aroused. Perhaps you would just deny them release in game with you but that will not cause the tension to build to such an intense degree.

Part of the mental part of the play would include finding in SL the toys, clothing and locations that create a visual stimulus to help make the scene more real. Clothes that can be ripped off, locations that are appropriate, for instance in a rape type scene you would probably find the victim in an filthy alley. In SL there are such places made for play or groups that will set up your scenes for you for a cost. ((I would be happy to talk to anyone privately about such scene sets)). Find the cucumbers, the carrots, the clothespins, the clothing that is appropriate for your play. If it is worth doing it really is worth doing right and it will enhance your play and keep your SL sex life spicy.

An example of creating something in SL that requires preparation might be making your slave into a human sex doll. It is a good way to explore your partner, it can be very soft and it is a good way to get started into the relationship. The element of ritual can also play a big part in this role-play and the scenario can play out over time. The premise is simple: the submissive partner is a living sex toy, and allows the dominant to put him or her into any position and take any action, and the submissive partner remains completely passive throughout. Think of the dolls that have only a limited script, a wind up toy, pull the string and they react. What do you want your doll to do when you pull her string. Set up a rigid and specific set of responses and require the slave to respond that way each and every time. This provides a great training opportunity for when you expand to more interesting things. The submissive is released from acting in any way other than the programmed rules, they do not have to think about how they will respond. Habit is formed through such prolonged play. This can advance in to humiliation, and deeper exploration. You might try tying the slave securely in a sexually available position, and explore the slave’s body in humiliating and/or painful ways. Bring in another person and allow him or her to use the slave. Probe the slaves orifices with dildoes or other toys, clamp the slaves nipples, and so on.

This might work well for slaves with an objectification fetish. You might want to include in the sex doll play enforced availability. This means that whenever the slave is dressed up in the sex doll outfit/av that they must be prepared for sex. Choose a specific period of time, such as one particular day, when your partner is required to be dressed as a sex doll and available for sex at all times, regardless of their state of arousal. During this time, they are required to do whatever is necessary to keep herself ready for sexual penetration or intercourse. Periodically throughout the day, you should take advantage of their availability by taking them sexually, without warning and regardless of what they are doing at the time. Keeping themselves available and well-lubricated is part of their responsibility; they should be ready for you constantly, at any time. A variation would be that they make themselves available to anyone and everyone during that time and they keep a log of each interaction.

There are all sorts of ways to publically dominate and humiliate a slave. Going topless, wearing silks in what would be inappropriate places, making a male sub dress as a girl. Diapers worn in public. In SL making the male where his penis which will show under his silks, or your girl wearing nipple rings. Wearing slave brands, tattoos, tags, showing that the slave is owned in public, at work, everywhere. These are slight things and don’t mean as much in SL but for some slaves and Dominants it is enough. You can have the slave do this in their RL too, wearing a collar 24/7 and thinking of you whenever they think of the collar will strengthen the bond.

Setting goals for the relationship with your slave will keep the spice in the relationship. Conditioning your slave to like something they normally would not or to do something that pushes their boundaries are good things to set goals on. Pick something that is within their hard limits but that they would never want or voluntarily ask for. Perhaps it is something that they would find humiliating or that would be otherwise challenging for them to endure. Set yourself a time line. Describe how you are going to do this thing to your partner. Take your time; let the apprehension build. Explain in loving and great detail what you're going to do, and how it's going to feel for them and you. Remember that they want to please you, your goal here is to make it please them too. Use their desire to please you to get past their walls and your good skills in building their anticipation to make them really want it. When your partner is writhing and twisting in apprehension, explain that you're not going to do it until they beg you to. Tell them that you will not do it until they convince you that they really want it. Make this a topic daily, perhaps refraining from completely giving into any other scene as you build this one for them. Continue to make it special, desirable, something that would please you very much. Continue to describe for them how it will make them feel, how rewarding and rewarded they will be. Don't give it to your partner right away. Order your partner to keep asking for it until you are absolutely convinced that they want it. Tell them to beg for it, and to describe how badly they want you to do it. Only after your partner is begging and pleading should you do to them whatever it is. The interesting thing about doing this is that human responses work both ways; our emotional state influences our actions, but our actions also influence our emotional state. Making them beg for it makes them want it, depriving them off it makes them need it even if it is something they would never thought about ever doing before.

In conclusion, bringing spice into your SL relationship may mean bringing some of the SL relationship into the RL one. Even for those that remain totally anonymous to each other things can be brought from SL to RL. Using an email that is made out in the name of the character allows for both email and chat. Make sure you know how to keep it all fake and not traceable back to your RL info. If you decide to take the leap from anonymity and let your partner know you in RL (please be really really careful with this) you can use the phone, webcams, and such… for instance, you might instruct the sub to go to a restaurant at a specific time. You might call them on a cell phone and instruct them to go to the bathroom and masturbate to orgasm. If they have a camera phone they can take a picture and send it to you. With webcams there is the obvious things, having sex together, having them touch themselves while you watch or any number of mundane things but there is no reason they can’t do the carrot and cucumber for you, or you could practice orgasm denial with them having them masturbate then stop on command, over and over. Perhaps the clothes pin play would be something to share with your slave over a phone or webcam, hearing them describe the feeling, the pain, the pleasure, watching them clamp themselves, removing the clamps.

A few other ideas:

A daily email with instructions for where and how the slave will orgasm that day

A daily picture in email to you from the slave of them masturbating in a new place, position or using a new implement such as the cucumber.

Text message orders, with a rule that within 20 minutes of receiving the mail they must follow the instructions it contained. Then texts back a message of completion.

{ Spark up your Sex Life In SL }

True happiness comes from the joy of deeds well done, the zest of creating things new. -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Welcome

How to Spark Up Your Sex Life in SL