This is my personal website. I don't promise to always keep it up to date. I don't promise to always be politically correct. The purpose is to give those that wander through something to think about, to ponder. I hope you enjoy your taste of my little world here in the World Wide Web.
This website was made on planet Earth by an Earthling
My name is Kris Harmison. I am the Madame of the Moulin Rouge. I am a sexual explorer and creator of fantasies, desiring to learn about what others enjoy.
First, I want to say that any discussion like this is just that, a discussion. I will talk for a while and then open it up to you to speak about your own, perhaps alternative, views and thoughts. The Moulin Rouge is a place that values the freedom of constructive speech, and we value your thoughts and your opinions, especially when they are presented in a thoughtful and intelligent manner. We do not allow harassment or ridicule, so feel free to express yourself as you wish.
The Moulin Rouge promotes caring, safe, sane, adult consensual sexual role-play. One of the advantages of an online environment it that you can role-play and not get physically hurt. Of course, that is just a small part of it, because domination and submission are very much mental experiences, and the physical part of the relationship may or may not be present, even in RL.
Today I would like to talk about people who call themselves Master, Mistress, slave, sub, pet, Dom/me and Pro Domme. You should ask yourself; “What qualifications do these people have?” “Do they have any experience in real life?” Today, we will talk about how having only an intellectual set of experiences in a virtual environment can color the experience, and how the virtual experiences compare to real life. Furthermore, what pitfalls are there for unfortunate people that get involved with someone out to offer them a mental mind fuck instead of a real, caring scene, whether it be anything from a simple casual relationship all the way to a serious a contractual commitment.
Places like SL provide virtual playgrounds for many people experimenting, many of whom have no clue about what they are doing. I have seen many a person calling her/himself Mistress/Master who does not know what those terms mean, many a sub in their first few days of play who hook up with someone they don't know and commit to experimenting with things they do not understand. The curious thing about it is, because it is a virtual environment, we feel safe. Because our computer screen separates us and our bodies (and RL) from these people, we do not think about the mental side. These things can leave us with deep emotional scars. I have seen many of these people leave, quickly, without warning, only to find out later about the cruel things that caused this to happen. The saying goes: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me” but, here in the immersive world of virtual reality that is just not true. In an environment that consists of all thought and sight, where no physical sensations happen except as they are filtered through your brain, words can most definitely hurt you. This is especially true in what should be a trust-filled relationship.
These irresponsible cyber players vicariously live out their dangerous, rebellious, sexual, kinky, fantasy life in front of their computer screens. They are players with no faces, no real names, no real-time connections, and no personal commitment, since most of them have not played outside of their minds.
Anyone can jump into the game without any qualifications, and it becomes just a shallow, superficial fantasy. I've particularly noticed that women can call themselves "Mistress," or a man "Master," without anyone ever questioning the validity of the title. What bullshit! Question it! Knowledge, experience, and expertise should be respected in any field; however, how do you know that the person you have just met has any qualifications besides a sexy outfit, a whip and an attitude?
A person with the qualifications will exhibit a desire to show that the lifestyle is rooted in consent, open communication, trust, knowing the dynamics of one's personality, knowledge and experience in play, and respect for one's partner(s). In the SL/online cyber culture, anyone can choose to give themselves a title signifying authority, knowledge, experience, and professionalism, without having the requisite experience or knowledge of what that title implies to others. They can do this with no thought of the partner or the greater community, they do it without taking the time to understand the dynamics of their personalities, they do not understand their inner cravings for the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of BDSM, and they do not really connect on these same levels with others. They simply have no real commitment.
Many of these self-proclaimed dominants have no understanding at all of the real-time commitment involved in a Master/Mistress and slave/pet relationship. This is of course only one of the dangers in the online experience. In truth, they often don't even know if the person on the other end is who they say they are. The other person could easily be a man posing as a woman or someone 80 years old pretending to be 21. The list of pretenses could go on forever, especially in a virtual world like SL. Additionally, it seems like more and more people are unable to distinguish an online fantasy relationship from an actual face-to-face relationship.
And then another pitfall, taking it out of the cyber world and into the real world, webcams, Skype, IMs and you think you know who it really is you are talking to only to find out they are something completely different than what you thought…
Let's open this conversation up now…
(questions to throw out if it gets slow)
How do you approach a new Master/Mistress?
What commitments do you make each other?
What do you look for in a Sub or Dom/me
Most of you have had a bad experience or two. What can you do differently next time to ensure you are connecting with someone who is qualified and will make a commitment that is real?
Is all this important or is SL just one big scene play session?)
A last thought for all of you – Do you know the difference between a Dominate/submissive relationship and a Master/slave relationship? Think about it, there really is a difference! Next time you consider collaring or being collared see if the person wanting to be collared knows the difference.